Not a lot has been going on recently, to be honest. Part of it is because things are becoming routine- classes Monday-Thursday, doing homework, going out on Tuesdays, etc, and part of it is that I am tragically a responsible student and don't go out all the time.
Last night was cool though- there was a play being shown of a work that I have to read for my literature class, so I went to that. It's The House of Bernarda Alba, by Lorca, and while my señora, Carmen, told me it was a very dramatic play, this version was played for a lot more laughs.
The inner techie in me cringed some parts though- messy stage, and one of their set pieces (the bottom step of bleachers) broke in the middle of the show.
Anyway, the going to the theater is actually a pretty good example of how I am experiencing some culture shock. Overall, I wouldn't say that I'm being hit too hard by it- I'm not freaking out, and while I miss home, I'm not homesick. I love Seville, and I love being here.
However, there are some things that are tripping me up, hard. I feel like my confidence level has plummeted here. I'm so anxious about *stupid* things where I have to communicate- like getting a taxi, or going into to Vodafone to see why my mobile is dead. Things I have no problem with at home are serious challenges to me here.
The biggest aspect of that is that I feel like my language skills are just crap right now. I find myself feeling really foolish and slow, because I can't think of a word or how to ask for things. And, logically, I know that it was sort of a huge jump to take a year and a half of Spanish and then come here to study, and I know this is all to be expected and it'll pass, but whatever, it's a giant pain in the ass, but, ugh ugh. I don't know, I hate it.
It may sound really arrogant to say this, but I'm not used to not being confident in myself. And it is really, really frustrating when I find myself being scared or, for fuck's sake, *timid* about things. That isn't me, and it's making me pretty angry at myself.
Now, pity party aside, I know that the only solution for this is to work harder at my spanish, force myself to do things, and quite whining all the time, goddamn. It's just taking me a little longer for my practical brain to kick my whiny brain's ass over here, and it's pissing me off.
Here are a five good things to counter to suck in this post:
There is a cafe right around the corner from the school, and guys, it's a serious old man bar. It's literally a tiny little place, with a counter and some stools, and just enough room for a couple people to stand in there. It's run by this older guy, probably late 50's, and all these men come every day- some older, some younger, to drink coffee and talk. Anyway, I go there just about every school day during break with my friend Clarissa, and sometimes by myself. So I go, and I don't have to order, because he's already putting espresso in a glass and steaming milk for me, and when I'm alone, I sit and do my homework, and if I don't know a word, he'll come over, put his glasses on, and explain to me what it is.
It's silly, but it's pretty much my favourite place in Sevilla. I feel like I've got a little niche there, a space between the men in suits for the quiet American girl to do her homework and revel in the bliss of cafe con leche.
Second good thing: Last night, I had churros from the place on Puente de Triana, and good God was that an excellent life decision.
Third good thing: Tinto de verano is delicious and it is absolutely what I will be drinking non-stop in the States.
Fourth good thing: I am going to get my hair trimmed and get bangs while I'm here. I'm taking my Señora with me, just in case I need help explaining, but I am excited. :D
Fifth good thing: Anne has finished Game of Thrones, so I know what I'm doing today. On to Clash of Kings!
Bonus sixth good thing! Adele's new album is baller as hell, go listen to it.
Alright, muchachos. Enough for now.
Hasta luego,
M
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One of my friends in Japanese only took 2 years of it, and in my class, that's virtually nothing. Like, at this point in my language skill, there's no way I'd be able to have any conversation other than, "This is a pen!" But he went over with less learning than me AND essentially the underdog of the class, and after a semester already, he feels like he can have a conversation with anybody, anytime. Which is pretty awesome.
ReplyDeleteSo hey, I'd say a year and a half of Spanish is plenty =] Just keep studying, and trying to make Spanish friends who are patient with your clumsiness haha, they can help you~ I HAVE FAITH IN YOU, MORGAN. You kicked the butt out of French, you can pull Spanish off no bueno! =D